Good.

Watch this:


if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for

and should i read between the lines
and search for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood

(chorus)
because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife

~Derek Webb

Persevere.

Dark.

It’s all strangely grey
This odd state I’m in
Like a wavy orange haze
Why is that ok?

Too complacent in my opinion
Why is it all so peaceful?
An eerie-it’ll all be fine
No real sense of dominion

Some signal, some test
But nothing, just scattered
Stumbling and plunging
To the next thing, still I protest

Good things pour in
But somehow never fill
The grass is always greener
And you may never win

(but maybe that’s a good thing)

~RLR

I will not allow the devil to "gain a foothold".
I WILL persevere through this almost crippling uncertainty.
Have you not yet realized that I am very dramatic?

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith GOODNESS(you know when you get around someone with this goodness-hard to explain); and to goodness, KNOWLEDGE(read some good books-the Bible mainly); and to knowledge, SELF-CONTROL(I shall not get started on this one); and to self-control, PERSEVERANCE(press on!); and to perseverance, GODLINESS (or God-likeness); and to godliness brotherly KINDNESS(just be nice to people-for heavens' sake-literally); and to brotherly kindness, LOVE(nothing else matters except this). For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins."

~2 Peter 1:5-9

Thanks Dave.

Burning.

I just got a facial from a really talented lady, but now my face is on fire and it looks as if I have a really bad sunburn-I also learned (through this special lamp) that I have about 1,000 freckles (hidden) on my face (sun damage). Great. Now I have to go through these torturing treatments to "bring out" all the dirt underneath my skin (thanks Dad for having bad skin!)-JK I love my Dad. Kind of reminds me of how God has to "burn off" some of our "layers" to bring out the dirt that's pent up inside of us-boo, I'm getting both of these "treatments" now, but honestly the "facials" are ALOT easier to go through :o) I am super stoked about the end result though-I know it will be awesome. Here is the website to an awesome woman-she used to be a cosmetic surgeon in China! http://www.skinessenceadayspa.com/aboutus.htm

"The best we can hope for in this life is a knothole peek at the shining realities ahead. Yet a glimpse is enough. It's enough to convince our hearts that whatever sufferings and sorrows currently assail us aren't worthy of comparison to that which waits over the horizon."
~Joni Eareckson Tada

Aimless.

Here I am.
Once again. With.
The heart pounding JOY of anticipation.
For what?
I don’t rightly (or wrongly) know. And.
A vast amount of options. Or. Possibilities.
Are all around me. Like.
Sweet vapors that I so badly want.
To inhale.
Or do I?
Like standing in a deep pool. And trying.
With all my might to RUN.
Like how a puppy acts when it is FIRST.
Placed on a leash. Writhing. Stubborn.
With paws firmly planted.
Oh if you would just walk with Me!
How hard you make this child.
It’s only for your protection.
This restraint.
And how attractive it can be.
These awful sobbing meltdowns.
Are at their closings.
Consistently paired with PEACE.
Terrifying. How much I love. You.
Terrifying is.
A part of Who You Are.
My heart is steadfast.
Oh God.
My heart is steadfast.

~RlR

Crushed.

Crushed...in a very good way. I was in Lifeway the other day and came across this wonderful book. I've only read the first two chapters, but I am already addicted. While reading this book last week, God laid something on me so heavy that I literally felt crushed, actually smashed would be a better word-it was awesome-one of God's many "Faces", I love how He is showing me different aspects of Himself. Seriously, buy this book, it is (already) SO good. I promise you'll like it :o)


~Suffering and the Sovereignty of God. John Piper/Justin Taylor

Kids.

I used to have this major anxiety towards children (of all ages), and then I started getting to know Logan, since then I LOVE kids. Crazy. I LOVE my small group at church, I work with 4/5's, I have about 10 in my group. They are so precious to me. I am honored and humbled that God would even allow me to have an influence in their young lives. I also have a second job that has now added "babysitting" as part of it's "duties" (my boss' girlfriends' children), the girl is 5 and the boy is 7 and they are already pulling at my heart strings (and my first night watching them was tonite). I'm a schmuck. I am blown away at how easily children place their trust in you, wish my trust in God was as easy sometimes :o) Thank You Lord for these precious angels that You've placed in my life-help my impact on them to be like a breath of You.

Today.

Today was darn beautiful. Great God experiences. Great weather. Great company...just great and beautiful, did I mention beautiful. Thank You.

Limin.

Good song. Reminds me of Trinidad-the whole limin thang:o)

Lukewarm.

As some of you may know, I enjoy a healthy challenge now and then. I believe that to be a Christian is a fight, in some way, everyday. I believe that Jesus calls us to not only be His witnesses in this frail world, but to also defend Him at all costs. There are few things on earth that really fire me up-I mean really get my heart pounding, these things are beliefs that I feel down to the raw core of myself. Some of you may know a few, but I would hope that the most evident would be my insatiable love for Jesus. Ok, here’s what’s been irking me lately (almost to the heart pounding point).

I am currently taking my second (and hardest) anatomy and physiology class (thank God this is the last one!). Anyway-we have an online discussion board where we have to post “threads” that can talk about whatever we’re learning at the time or interesting things we find related to the subject. Soooo……this guy in my class posts something called “Your tadpole heritage”-caught my attention. I opened it, knowing it had something to do with evolution and I am used to the many people who believe in it-seeing as it is an anatomy class and evolution comes up frequently. What ticked me off was that after he did his whole discuss on how we once came from tadpoles, he posts this link to a “great website”, check it out http://www.richarddawkins.net/. This Richard guy made me angry because he pretty much slams God all through-out his site and he’s written several anti-God books. I know that you aren’t really supposed to discuss “religion” in class, but if he was going to post his thread on how evolution was FACT, then I needed to add my 2 cents. So I posted some TRUTH for the class, I’m not going to bore you all with our online debate, but I believe I got him thinking as well as some other classmates, I had one come up to me asking what Philippians 2:10-11 was (which was the scripture I posted for him), I thought it was appropriate. All this to say-stand up for God-whatever the cost, yeah this wasn’t something that I really had to suffer for-but if I have to suffer for His Name’s sake-physically, mentally, or emotionally-I will. Don’t “allow” people around you to trash His Name (and this can come in many different forms), we are supposed to be unique, we are supposed to stand out, we aren’t supposed to look and act like the world (and yeah I’m preaching to myself here too), the more I know of Him and the closer I get to Him, the more certain things that I was once “ok” with don’t “sit well with my spirit”, and so they must change.

I love Revelation 3:16 “So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.” I know God wants us to either be on fire for Him or nothing at all. Living boldly for Jesus is no easy feat and it is certainly a risk, but what is life w/out boldness and what is life w/out risk. Lately my whole thing is that I want to do so much for Him and want so badly to do His will that I feel like when I get an idea I just do it and then if He closes the door-I’m perfectly ok w/it, but maybe I should just wait for Him to lead me, but I can’t help it, I’m just excited. He is my greatest Love, no one and nothing can or will ever come before Him (this statement does require Your help God-You know this). Hopefully I will always strive to live my life in the heat. Why? He’s worth it.

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

~Casting Crowns

*Don't get stuck in the middle guys :o)

Love.

This week was very sweet to me, it started last Sunday (March 30) when I got to dress like someone from the 60's for our volunteer fair and dance in a shadow box (don't ask), I was surprised that my rainbow heart necklace made it through Kidcity (our children's' ministry) b/c all of my girls wanted to wear it and it broke twice...anyway. Later that evening I volunteered w/World Vision (awesome guys)at a Casting Crowns concert, they were amazing-very powerful-filled me to the brim w/Jesus. Awesome.
My birthday was on Thursday and I wanted to give a shout out to my room-mate Lauren for making me feel GREAT. She made me a cake the night before, and then when I got up the next morning and opened my door she had like 10 helium balloons scattered through the hall weighted down w/knives and spoons (best part). Then we went downtown and ate at Big Ed's (Yummmmm). That evening I had to go to school :o(, but I kind of had to b/c I have an exam on Tues...sad story. But when I got home her present to me was speakers for my computer (I know this may not be exciting to many, but I was stoked). On Friday me and 7 of my closest pals went and ate sushi at Shiki Sushi in Durham (my fav!), I love sushi-it was a boatload of fun-get it? (see pic below-I know I'm a cheeseball).

(Tarella-the one not smiling-apparently didn't think she was in the pic)

I'm not big on presents, but a creative one I got was from one of my hairstylist friends-Stephanie at my spa-she is a really good cook and she bought me mixing bowls and wrote out some of her original recipes for me on index cards-awwww, love it. I think she was trying to tell me something though! Today I went out w/my fam for yet another birthday dinner-my Dad paints and he made me an AWESOME painting-I will post a pic of it later, and now I have to go study and get ready to go and cook at a friends house-food, food, food! I will be so happy when this exam is over, I can't believe it's already April-where does time go?

Soul.

I dance unprofessionally because I love it.

I write whatever comes to mind and only at certain times because it’s easy.

I love the “natural” in many things, like girls who are beautiful without make-up and guys that have a style that represents their personality because I love what’s REAL.

I enjoy being in tune with every aspect of my body, yoga is a miracle exercise and massage is powerful because it’s what I am anointed to do at this time.

I am grateful for every situation that requires waiting because it teaches me so much and God knows this.

I try to be aware of what exactly I put into my body and mind because whatever you put in eventually seeps out.

I am attracted to passion of all forms because passion is what makes life worth living.

I get mad excited about awesome music (like the song I’m listening to right now-15 step by radiohead) because much of it is talent in its’ truest form.

I dislike being average and have learned not to care too much about what other people think about me because it is a pointless state of mind to be in-really.

I seriously am thoroughly addicted to telling people about how much I love Jesus because I either get the that’s awesome response or the blank stare or dead silence-I embrace it all.

I think that my friends are amazing because I know them for who they really are…human beings-nothing more and nothing less.

I believe that apologizing for showing feeling is like slow death because feeling is truth.

I was created because I am going to get some stuff started in this world-be afraid.

Birth.

Today I am 27. I enjoyed today. The texts, calls, and e-mails were much appreciated. I am thankful that God gave me life.

The cake my Lauren made me.

Overflow.

When the spirit of oppression hits, sometimes it is so smothering, so overwhelming that you just can’t see a way out. It’s then that you’re finite mind calls into question everything you believe, everything you hold to be true in your life. Scary. You want nothing more than to cry, to scream, to give in and up. It’s a fight, a brawl, a constant struggle. Does He even hear you? Does He even care? Is He really “working” in your life or is it somehow just a figment of your imagination, and how vivid that can be. You come to a place where what you are doing is no longer working, what you are doing is no longer fulfilling any one of your desires. It’s then that you realize, you’re lost without Him, you are nothing with out Him. How could you have ever believed that you really needed anything besides Him. How can you possibly come back out of this? Slowly, a random quote here that speaks to you, a random scripture there that moves you, serving someone else, listening to a “perfect” song. It’s Him speaking. It’s Him pulling you back to Him. Your best friend. Your Saviour. The one who’s love never fails, who’s promises remain true. How amazing to be restored, how amazing that You fill my cup to overflowing each and every time. Thank You Jesus.